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Day 19 – What Is Your Love Language  

Updated: Dec 6, 2023

Did you know that when you feel loved, you will act in a different way?

Does receiving words of affirmation make you feel loved?

Do you know what your love language is?

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

Lao Tzu

day 19

We all have a need to be loved, to feel that we belong and to feel competent.  Our fundamental needs are for security, self-worth, and significance. Love affects all three of these requirements.

Life’s better when you give and receive love.

Today’s Tool is “Discovering Your Love Language.” Why? Because when you are aware of your primary love language you can express to others how you want to receive love. For example, someone continues to buy you gifts as a way of expressing their love for you, but your love language is not receiving gifts. It is quality time.

Bare with me……… it will all make sense in a minute.

The concept of the Five Love languages was developed by Gary Chapman based on his research of  30 years on marriage counselling. The five love languages are as followed:

  1. Words of Affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

  2. Acts of Service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.

  3. Receiving Gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.

  4. Quality Time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.

  5. Physical Touch: It can be sex or holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.

Food For Thought– “People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” Gary Chapman

The above highlight 5 ways to receive and express love. We all have a love language. Do you know what yours is? You may have more than one. For example, mine is quality time and words of affirmation. Each person has one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman suggested that people tend to give love to others in the way that they prefer, so this could be an indication of your love language.

How do you express love to others?

Time To Take Action

Step 1 – Pay close attention to how you express love to others, especially in your love life.

Step 2 – Invest time in getting to know the other person’s or a close family members love language.

Ways To Discover Another Person’s Love Language,

  1. Observe the way that they express love to others.

  2. Take note of what they complain about.

  3. Examine what they request the most from their significant others (parents, partner, friendship groups).

If you are still unsure what their love language is , ask them, if they don’t know then ask them to do the test.

Step 3 – Take the test to discover your love language. You can complete it online, the link is below or you can complete the test which I have included. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Benefits Of This Tool

  1. Develop more effective relationships.

  2. You can become more aware of your love language.

  3. You can learn what makes others feel appreciated and motivated.

  4. You can learn to express love to others in the most effective way possible.

Some Recommended Reading & Videos To Watch

Take the quiz and discover your love language.  You can also complete this online with the following link http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

For each pair of following statements, circle the one that fits you best within your relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, try to imagine how you would like to be treated if you were. Or think about how you like to be treated by family members and close friends.

  1. I like to receive encouraging or affirming notes A

 I like to be hugged E

  1. I like to spend one-to-one time with close friends B

 I feel loved when someone gives me practical help D

  1. I like it when people give me gifts C

 I like leisurely visits with friends and loved ones B

  1. I feel loved when people do things to help me D

 I feel loved when people give me a reassuring hand shake or hug E

  1. I feel loved when someone I love or admire puts their arm around me E

 I feel loved when I receive a gift from someone I admire or love C

  1. I like to go places with friends or loved ones B

 I like to high-five or slap around with friends who are special to me E

  1. Visible symbols of love (such as gifts) are important to me C

 I feel loved when people affirm me A

  1. I like to sit close to people I enjoy being around E

 I like it when people tell me I’m attractive/handsome A

  1. I like to spend time with friends and loved ones B

 I like to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones C

  1. Words of acceptance are important to me A

 I know someone loves me when he or she helps me D

  1. I like being together and doing things with friends & loved ones B

 I like it when kind words are spoken to me A

  1. What someone does affects me far more than what they say D

 Hugs make me feel connected and valued E

  1. I value praise and try to avoid criticism A

 Several small gifts mean more to me than one large gift C

  1. I feel close to someone when we are talking or doing something together B

 I feel closer to friends & loved ones when we wrestle, hug or shake hands E

  1. I like for people to complement my achievements A

 I know people love me when they do things for me they don‟t enjoy doing D

  1. I like for people to cross the street to shake hands or hug when they see me E

 I like when people listen to me & show genuine interest in what I‟m saying B

  1. I feel loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects D

 I really enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones C

  1. I like for people to complement my appearance A

 I feel loved when people take time to understand my feelings B

  1. I feel secure when a special person is physically close to me E

 Acts of service make me feel loved D

  1. I appreciate the many things that special people do for me D

 I like to receive gifts that special people make for me C

  1. I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention B

 I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone does some act to serve me D

  1. I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with a gift C

 I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words A

  1. I know a person is thinking of me when they give me a gift C

 I feel loved when a person helps me with my chores or tasks D

  1. I appreciate it when someone listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt me B

 I appreciate it when someone remembers special days with a gift C

  1. I like knowing loved ones are concern enough to help with my daily tasks D

 I enjoy extended trips with someone who is special to me B

  1. I don’t mind the “kiss-hello‟ with friends I am close to E

 Receiving a gift given for no special reason excites me C

  1. I like to be told that I am appreciated A

 I like for a person to look at me when they are talking B

  1. Gifts from a friend or loved one are always special to me C

 I feel good when a friend or loved one hugs or touches me E

  1. I feel loved when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested D

 I feel loved when I am told how much I am appreciated A

  1. I need physical contact with people every day E

 I need words of encouragement and affirmation everyday A


 
 
 

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